FAILED

FAILED

I got a letter in the mail about one year ago that said that. FAILED - in big black bold letters. I had failed my physics board exams. It was shocking. It sounds cliche, but I had never really failed anything before. Sure there have been let downs in the passed, but never something so absolute as failure. Rob insisted it was a mistake. I was devastated, I cried the whole night. I awoke the next morning and decided that no one had to know. It would be my own silent plight. Upon arriving to work, I learned quickly that I was not alone in this shortcoming. Though sad for the others, I was glad I wasn't alone. 

It is this failure and the knowledge that I had to retake the test again this September that has been haunting me all year. It was this failure that made it necessary for me to leave my son for the first time since he was born. On the 5th, I left for Davis, California for an intensive physics review coarse at the U of California:Davis.  It was a difficult trip for many reasons, not the least of which was leaving home without my boy. Not to mention the anxiety that comes with being bombarded with detailed and extensive information that I have to understand thoroughly by september 8th. 

Rob and FLoyd survived with much help from my mom and Paul. Floyd even had to have a sleepover at grammies house because was Rob was on call over night. I left 4 pages of instructions with checklists to make sure nothing was left to chance.  

I don't want to do any of it again, failing, leaving, physics......